I've decided to consider this a good thing. My games at Dragon Go had went extremely well the last two weeks and I got way too confident (seeing me rise to shodan within two years in the most laughable moments of self delusion). Having demonstrated to me how weak I still am is humbling, but also motivating.
However, I start to feel that I don't play as good as I could on these evenings - maybe because I play most of my games on Dragon Go and not on a real board. I also fail out of great many psychological reasons (wanting to impress, not wanting to be kicked around, not taking enough time to read positions out etc. pp.). I realize more and more that I do not just need to practice more, but also need to change my attitude when playing. I do not concentrate enough for starters.
Another example. I played black 9 knowing it is a bad idea. It screamed DO NOT PLAY ME ... and I did anyways. I think it was kind of a 'pah .. let's see what happens'-attitude mixed with laziness.
I think it went on like this. Marvel at the white walls of power, pitty black (me) for his tiny, little, barely living corner territory!
That's it for the day. I'm tired.